The Only Thing You Need to Know about Old Orchard Beach.

So I'm driving home from class tonight and thinking about what I'm going to write about for tonight's blog. I'm figuring it has to be something extra awesome since I haven't had time to give you the goods for three whole days--I'm failure, I know. Anyway, I'm writing an essay about a place for a creative non-fiction class that requires me to do a little research. That lead me to Old Orchard Beach. Which lead me to the history of OOB; namely, the pier. I'm thinking all about what I'd like to know about the pier when one word pops into my head that sums up pretty much all you need to know about Old Orchard Beach:

poutine

Who doesn't love a good poutine?! Everyone loves poutine. Fries, gravy, cheese curds! What's not to love!? POUTINE. A dish so delicious that it's even got it's own domain.

That lead me to wondering who the hell came up with poutine? A question I am going to set out to answer for you all. Maybe you already know the history of poutine, but bear with me. I'm not sure what I'll find since, like many great culinary creations, poutine may very well have started out as someones garbage plate.

Maybe it was born from a particularly sloppy bucket of bus-tub buffet? Maybe a five-star French-Canadian chef put french fries on a plate, drowned them in gravy, and said, "It's missing something!" then covered it with cheese and kissed his fingers? Maybe somebody just got downright weird and started the trend? Who knows? Well, the internet, of course. I'm hoping.

Poutine is a French thing, tres, tres French. Which explains why it runs rampant throughout the Biddeford/Old Orchard region. And basically anywhere in Maine.  According to the Montreal Poutine's website, there are many claims to poutine-invention-fame. The earliest claim, however, goes to Fernand LaChance, when in 1957 a gentleman walked into his restaurant, Lutin Qui Rit, and ordered french fries and cheese curds in the same bag. Swearing at the man that he would make a damned mess, "ça va faire une maudite poutine!" he obliged. 

Fries n' cheese caught fire but the gravy train supposedly didn't come along until 1964 when a man named Jean-Paul Roy laid stake to the claim that he invented poutine as we know it today--fries, cheese, gravy and all. According to him, he noticed customers adding his special potato sauce to LaChance's cheese fries and decided to deliver the world poutine.

And offer the world poutine he did! Look at his menu; 20 different types of poutine! TWENTY! And you know they're all good because they're Quebecois.

To the restauranteers of OOB: I beg of you, please, please, learn how to make amazing poutine. There is some debate about messing with the original, but I say if you're French, or if your great-grandmother's cousin owned a French Bulldog, or if you watched a French cooking show one time, and you can create amazing cuisine--because poutine is cuisine-- then throw it at me! I've never met a poutine I didn't like.

G(man)'d Up

G-Man. What's a G-Man? Is it really just a name for an FBI agent? If it is, where did it come from? I'm going to find out.

According to the oh-so-reliable Urban Dictionary, G-man is short for Government-man. Ahhhh... It all makes sense now. Here I was all along thinking it was something related to aliens. I have no idea why.

Though Urban Dictionary offers some pretty interesting definitions, Wiki offers more interesting details of the history of the term G-man. The term possibly derived from Ireland during the Irish Civil War when the G-division of plainclothes officers existed within the Dublin Metro Police.

FBI legend claims that the term was first used when the gangster George "Machine Gun" Kelly found himself unarmed and surrounded by agents and he shouted, "Don't shoot, G-men! Don't shoot!"

"G-man" is such an accepted slang that even Time magazine published an article titled, "Nation: Blasting a G-Man Myth."

G-Men is apparently also a movie from 1935.

All I really wanted to know was what the G stood for. I guess I got that covered.

Truffle Shuffle

Over the past few months I have watched all of the television series, Bones. If you haven't seen it, you need to. There are seven seasons on Netflix. You have no excuse! Anyway, the show takes place in the DC area and several times over the course of seven seasons, I've heard truffles referenced.

Any time I hear somebody referring to truffles, I wonder what they are. I mean, I know that there are chocolate truffles and that's what always comes to mind. But whenever I hear a fancy person talking about truffles or hear my favorite character on a TV show mention truffle pizza, I stop and think... they can't be talking about Lindt.

I generally chalk it up to truffles being something on par with caviar and don't dwell on the subject. That is, until I watched an episode recently that focused on truffles. Truffles that you dig up. Truffles that look like potatoes. Truffles which when cooked look like spaghetti?

I have to understand. What are truffles?

According to my handy-dandy Wiki, truffles are a type of subterranean mushroom. Oh? Mushrooms? I can get on board with that. I love mushrooms. Even if they are dug up with pigs.

But why, when Hodgins, <-- Hodgins, cooked truffles in the lab and asked Daisy,  <-- Daisy, to eat them, did they look like buttered spaghetti? A page on gourmetfoodstore.com which hails truffles as the all-mighty, tells me that pasta, rice, and potatoes are the holy truffle trinity and that you should always use the least amount of truffle you can to maximize the truffle flavor.  I can only assume that Hodgins cooked up the truffles with pasta. In a beaker.

My initial curiosity about truffles has been sated for the time being. I have to say, I would really like to try them someday and experience the flavor for myself. 

Not-so-fine China

So I'm listening to Pandora the other day and this song comes on, "Fine China" by Chris Brown. I'm bee-bopping along to the beat and I realize that at one point he's crooning the lyrics: "It's alright, I'm not dangerous/When you're mine, I'll be generous/You're irreplaceable/A collectible, just like fine china"

....Whut?

I double-checked my Pandora. Yep, Chris Brown. Like, Chris Brown Chris Brown? The one who beat Rihanna, Chris Brown? Ahhh yup. That's the one.

I dig the beat, but "It's alright, I'm not dangerous?" "A collectible, just like fine china?" Is that like, a plea to women that he's all cute and adorable and harmless and we should forget that he hit his girlfriend? Or maybe he wrote the song before he beat on her and now it's an ironic blip in his history. I have to find out.

Apparently, according to an article from Vibe, "Fine China" is the single off his latest album! You're joking! He actually went with those lyrics in lieu of the Rihanna thing?! Man. Well, I suppose if she's into going back to him, he's allowed to proclaim whatever he wants in his music.

Also, I went to YouTube to find the video. Which, in itself is another ...whut? the fudge?


First of all, did he seriously get an Asian woman to play his lady love in a song called "Fine China?" And make her the daughter of the leader of the Triads? Really, Chris Brown? Who do you think you are?

Second of all, he looks like a new lesbian. You know the kind; the ones who are barely 18 and "butch" but not butch enough to really be butch and they are adorable and move all excited and fluidly? Yeah, one of those lesbians.

Last of all, Chris Brown, you can sing, I'm not denying that. And you can dance, yeah, but you are not Michael Jackson. Nobody is or ever will be Michael Jackson. Stop trying. Also, you are not Jet Li. Sit back down.

Can we just talk for a minute about the level of stereotyping involved here? It's astronomical. The family is stereotypically Asian--strict parents, sushi, green tea, and triads?--and he's comparing this woman to a dish because it's fine chinaware and (apparently) so is she. You have got to be kidding me.

Should I even get into the level of sexism involved when referring to women as collectibles? Do I have to? How about the fact that he takes on all of the father's Asian gang members single-handedly with crazy martial arts (you know, because they're Asian) while the actual Asian woman behind him stands there like a princess to be rescued?

How about the racism? Like after they leave the club and have to face down a giant street bike gang of more Asians, but the day is saved by Chris Brown's Black/Latino gang with sideways, silenced guns.

All the while Fine China herself is bounced between these controlling men in her life? Come. Onnnnnnnn.

I set out to learn whether he recorded this song before or after the Rihanna thing, but after watching the video, I am now angry. Screw you, Chris Brown, screw you.

Oreos are Vegan?!

So, I make this version of a curry chicken dinner that I got from my friend, Abby. It calls for cream of mushroom soup, mayonnaise, sour cream, and cheese, among other things. Due to some unfortunate malfunctions in this body of mine, I can't eat anything involving dairy or eggs. So I modified the hell out of her recipe to come up with something of my own that still basically tastes the same.

I have to make my own faux-cream of anything-but-mushroom soup because Jon is allergic to mushrooms and I can get around most of the ingredients by replacing them with their vegan counterparts--though I've yet to find soy sour cream anywhere in Southern Maine--except cheese. Fake cheese tastes fake no matter how tasty the package claims it is. Cheese is cheese. There is no replacement.

Last night, Jon was recruited to help me bang out this creation in record time because I needed to get to coursework and it takes an awfully long time to cook when you have to make your own soup from scratch. I told him to add a good sized portion of Vegenaise to the mix. After he adorably tried to fit a 1 cup sized measuring spoon into the two-inch jar opening but before he informed that according to his mom it's called a "heaping scoop" (thanks Jon's mom!), he asked me what is in Vegenaise anyway?

Jon hates mayonnaise. And I mean all things mayonnaise. Not because it isn't tasty, but because it's so bad for you. His question stopped me in my tracks. What is in Vegenaise? I had always assumed it must be healthy because it can only be made of vegetables or soy, right? We turned to the label and though all of the ingredients seem harmless enough, there seems to be an awful lot of poly and mono and trans fats in there for something so "natural." Of course, I looked it up.

The folks from Follow Your Heart (the people who produce the product in question), were kind enough to include a little Q & A on their website.

No MSG added. Excellent! I'm allergic to that too. No GMOs. Fantastic! We're an anti-GMO abode.

In response to, "I've heard that Canola Oil is bad for you. Why do you use it in your product?" Second paragraph, first sentence: "Much of the concern surrounding canola is because canola oil is mistakenly equated with rapeseed oil..."

Rapeseed oil?! Of course I have to look that up now, too. Thank you, Wiki, for explaining to me that rapeseed is not a Follow Your Heart typo, it's a legitimate thing.

Back to business. Vegenaise contains apple cider vinegar, that's good stuff. Annnnd finally, the last question they've answered: it contains no ingredients of animal origin.

Okay that sounds great but what else is in it? Is it just as bad as regular mayonnaise? Well according to an article that wiseGEEK wrote about it, it contains the same amount of calories and saturated fat as mayo. That can't be good for you. Maybe I'll tone it down on how often I dump a heaping scoop of the stuff into my curry chicken deliciousness. Orrrr maybe I'll just make it for dinner less often.

V-E-G-A-N doesn't spell "good for you." Case and point: Vegenaise. And Oreos.

Country Club Ettiquette

Today I learned which fork to use at a fancy brunch. And also that I don't like mimosas. Even though I drank three.

Attack of the Twitter Clones

Do you have any idea how many Chanel Smiths there are in the world??

https://twitter.com/search/users?q=Chanel%20Smith <-- That many. Well, probably more than that. But that's how many exist in the Twitter-verse. That's a thing, right? The Twitter-verse?

I've always been under the impression that I have a pretty unique name. I mean, my last name isn't unique. Smith is the most common last name in the US, according to infoplease.com. But, Chanel? Chanel isn't all that common. Or so I thought.

I used to have a Twitter account titled "Don't Poke the Bear" tied to my name. It was either hijacked or hacked or blipped off the Twitter-sphere (that's one, too, right?) because I can't find it or get into it. I've tried. I made a new Twitter and started using it last week to help market this blog. 

So today, I realize I haven't tried searching for me by name. I figure, how many "Chanel Smiths" could there be? I get onto Twitter, type in "Chanel Smith," and BAM! I've got of all these people with my name! So many that I can't even count them!

There's Chanel Smith who is NOT a sneakerhead, she just <3 kicks.

There's Lady Chanel Smith who wants to bribe me a cupcake.

Oh hey, there's the old me Chanel Smith.

Here's Chanel Smith, a bad ass teacher.

Chanel Smith! with no days off!!!!!!

There's a 15 year old Chanel Smith motox rider.

Miss Chanel Smith LOVES Jaden Smith.

Even better, this Chanel Smith's a belieber.

WHO ARE ALL OF YOU WITH MY NAME?! And seriously, that's just a few.

So what if you thought your name was special and it's not and now you're having an identity crisis, Chanel? 

Well! It's strange to see my name with so many different personalities attached! Obviously, I'm not insane and don't expect that these people should not have my name because it's mine or something, I'm just shocked and overwhelmed. That's a lot of people with my identity and I had expected none. Yes, I know it's a big designer name. I don't live under that much of a rock--even if I didn't know who 2 Chainz was. I've only ever met one other person named Chanel in my life. 

Maybe they feel the same way. I wonder if they've ever searched Twitter for themselves? I think I'll follow all of them and see what happens.

Rest In Pandora Peace, 2 Chainz

Okay, so I've been avoiding writing this post in an attempt to avoid sounding like I live under a rock, buuuut... it's time.

2 Chainz. Who the hell is he and why the hell should I care?

A few months ago, or maybe longer I donno, a local rapper, Spose, posted on Facebook about his daughter rapping 2 Chainz or wanting to listen to him or something. I can't quite remember what the post was exactly, but the point is that it mentioned 2 Chainz and his toddler in the same sentence and I remembering thinking, "Who the hell is 2 Chainz and how uncool am I for not knowing when this 3 year old knows?"

I forgot all about 2 Chainz until last week when he suddenly wiggled his way onto my Pandora radio station. I can't really blame Pandora for this one, though, because I may have been listening to the Today's Hip Hop and Pop station... What can I say? I'm musically diverse.

Anyway, I'm listening to something with a beat and all of a sudden I hear this slow ass rapper take over and announce himself as "2 Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaainz!" And I was like.... Really? This guy is 2 Chainz? So I've decided to do some research before I condone the man to a  life of Pandora thumbs downs.

According to his bio, he's signed to Def Jam Recordings and he hails from the "southside of Atlanta." This explains the drawl he calls a rap--the Atlanta thing, not the Def Jam thing. Although, Luda is from the ATL and he is killer, so 2 Chainz has no excuse.

I need to consult YouTube. The first two videos I've clicked on for this bloke are just beats. Maybe he's not a rapper? But that doesn't make sense, I've heard him rap on the Pandora.

Upon further investigation, I've stumbled across Cowboy, I'm Different, RIP, Spend It, and No Lie. I'm running out of patience and I'm not impressed. I would have kept searching for one I liked, but the line "She could have a Grammy, I still treat her ass like a nominee," by his cohort Drake in No Lie, quite frankly, pissed me off.

It's looking like a quick trip to the Pandora graveyard for Mr. Chainz. I'm disappointed;  it takes a lot for me to thumbs someone down completely. As I've said, I have a pretty diverse taste in music. Rap was the first genre I fell in love with and I hate to get down on an artist, but seriously... I can't find a reason to like this guy.

"2 Chainz but I got me a few on," may be the only thing that saves him. And maybe just that one song. And only because I love puns.


This just in: All 2 Chainz wants for his birthday is a big booty ho. So if someone can help him out, I'm sure he'd appreciate the help. With skillz like his, he needs it.

Can you imagine being those dudes getting lap danced on camera? Awkwaaaard.

Patriot/'s/s' Day

Yesterday, two bombs went off at the 117th annual Boston Marathon. The marathon takes place on the third Monday of April, which is Patriots' Day. From some of the articles I've been seeing in the past 24 hours, it seems like the marathon was purposefully started on Patriots' Day back in 1897.

I'm guess I'm confused. I thought Patriots' Day was a holiday Bush Jr. created after the events of 9/11. Has it been a holiday all along? And why don't I get the day off from work? That's all holidays seem to be for these days--a three-day weekend.

Now, don't get on my back for this, (or actually go ahead, get all up in my grill about how ignorant I am if you want, at least I'll know you're reading) but I have a question: What the hell is Patriots' Day anyway?

I suppose I should start by defining "patriot." Since I'm annoyed at the internet today, I'm pulling out the Webster for this one.

"Patriot: one who loves and zealously supports ones own country*"

Okay... When I hear the word patriot, one of two things comes to mind:

1) A redneck who loves his guns and hates gay rights and abortion, flying the "Don't Tread On Me" flag, which is, according to Wiki, apparently called the Gadsden Flag. I forgot to be annoyed at the internet and looked it up. I'm learning lots today.

2) Someone who believes completely in every aspect of our country, including our government.

I'm not saying there aren't variations of these "definitions" as they are in my head, but they're definitely the two preconceived notions that I have when it comes to defining who identifies as a patriot. But what about the people in the middle??

I'll probably be put on a government watch list for saying this, but I hate our government. I really do. And because of that, I have no real sense of pride for my country. I think we're young and foolish. So I'm not a patriot by definition because I don't find our government to be just. I suppose I would be have been a patriot a long time ago, maybe, back before the government was the monster it is today, but definitely not now.

If I was a patriot, because I don't believe in the government, by my definition I'd have to fall into category number one, but that's not right either. I do believe strongly that I have the right to bear arms because the Founding Fathers gave me the right to, and because when zombies or civil war breaks out, I sure as shit don't want the only weapons to be in the hands of our government. I do believe in our Constitution and I do believe in total individual liberty. But I feel like in order to be considered a true "patriot," I'd also have to also praise Jesus, believe that marriage is between one man and one woman, and be prepared to beat any ethnic person I see back across the border.

I have seriously digressed. I didn't mean to get politicking. So now that I truly understand what a patriot is, by definition anyway, what is Patriots' Day?

According to an article on timeanddate.com, Patriots' Day is a day to commemorate the battles of Lexington and Concord (fought near Boston in 1775). It's a State holiday here in Maine and in Massachusetts, which is why I don't get it off from work because I don't work for the State or for a bank. Coincidentally, I have worked for both. Fun fact: depending on if you're in Maine or Massachusetts, the holiday is titled "Patriot's Day" or "Patriots' Day," respectively. I side with Massachusetts on this one. Sorry, Maine.

It's no wonder I was confused. Little Bush titled 9/11 Patriot Day, and it's an "annual observance," not a holiday. Whaaaaaaaaaaaa...Who names a not-holiday that similarly to another holiday?? That would be like having Administrative Professionals Day (which is next week, folks) and Administrative Professional Day.

To recap: Patriots' Day is a Maine and Massachusetts State holiday to commemorate two battles fought long ago, Patriot Day is the annual observance to remember those who were killed or harmed during the terrorist attacks of 9/11, and a patriot is someone who is wholly dedicated to his or her country. Got it.





*"Patriot." Webster's New World Dictionary. Fourth ed. 2003. Print. 

Tin Foiled

So there's something that's been bugging me about tin foil: why is there a shiny side and a matte side?

Every time I use tin foil, I ponder the purpose of the two different sides. Each time, I pick a different side to put facing the food, and each time, I forget to keep track of what difference it makes.

So when yesterday, while helping out at my cousin's baby shower, I was asked to put tin foil over the potato salad, I stopped and wondered, again, which side do I put facing the food and what difference does it make?

Does one side stick less? Does one side cook better? Is one side for meat and the other for vegetables? Is one side for the freezer and the other side for cooking? What, dear gods, is the difference?!

I asked my cousin, Jenny, if she knew. She did not. She hadn't even noticed there was a difference between the sides of the tin foil before, which leads me to wonder how many of you knew and also wondered about the two sides and how many of you think I'm crazy to have noticed.

Last night, as I went to wrap up the unused portion of a three pound package of hamburger, I found myself vis-a-vis with the two-faced tin foil dilemma again. Twice in just one day! I turned to my Eagle Scout boyfriend Jon, because obviously being an Eagle Scout makes you an expert in tin foil, and posed the question to him, "Why is there a shiny side and a dull side to tin foil?!"

Jon proceeded to tell me that the shiny side reflects heat better, so if I want to cook with it I should put the food on the shiny side. I then proceeded to stare at him in astonishment. Apparently being an Eagle Scout really does make you an expert in tin foil. He also knows how to make an oven out of tin foil and a cardboard box. Good to know, if we ever end up on the street.

This explanation still leaves me wondering why there is a dull side, though. It seems that if there is a shiny side because food cooks better on it, then why would the tin foil people bother to make the other side completely different? Why not just make both sides shiny?

So, of course, I head to my trusted Wikipedia where I find out that I'm technically calling it by the wrong name. Tinus Foilus (yes, science people, I made that up), more commonly known as "tin foil," is more correctly known aluminum foil.

Fun fact: Reynolds Metals is still the leading manufacturer of aluminum foil, which is funny because I'm pretty sure if my Grandmother were still alive, she'd still be calling it Reynolds' Wrap no matter what brand was in her kitchen.

But why is there a shiny and a matte side, Chanel?

Well apparently, according to Wiki, the only reason that tin foil, 'scuse me, aluminum foil has a shiny and a matte side is because of how it is manufactured. When the foil makes its final pass through the rollers, the shiny side is produced. Because of something about it being hard to make the machines cope with the fineness of the foil gauge, they roll two sheets at the same time through the machine, which means that when the sheets are separated, the sides that were facing the rollers are shiny but the sides that were facing each other are left dull! [Click here and scroll down to "Properties" if you want a more detailed explanation.]

So there is no real reason why there is a shiny and a dull side except that's just the way it is. What's more interesting, is that the idea that favoring one side over the other grants different effects when cooking is a myth! You know what's also a myth, Eagle Scout boyfriend Jon? That the rate at which the shiny side reflects heat makes a difference in cooking. The shiny side reflects at a rate of about 88%, while the matte side reflects at about 80%, which according to Wiki is an "imperceptible amount."

If we ever need to survive by making a cardboard box/aluminum foil oven, Jon, I'll let you build it with the foil facing shiny side in. Because 8% is more than imperceptible to me. And also because I love you.

Put Da Lime in Da Coconut

So I have this kind of hair: 

http://coolspotters.com

But I would like this kind of hair:

http://www.speedyremedies.com

Soft, shiny hair. Such an elusive beast. According to www.speedyremedies.com, I could do something like rinse my hair with a can of beer at the end of each washing--being sensitive to gluten and wheat, I no longer drink beer, therefore I am so not going to rinse my hair with it and smell like beer for the rest of the day. Plus, I'm not going to be that guy who walks into the store and purchases a single. I can see myself at the register now.

"I'm going to rinse my hair with it! It's supposed to make it shiny. I can't get six because I can't drink them and don't want them at the house, so I decided buying one was the way to go since I only need one to rinse my hair but I didn't want you to think that I was buying just one because I'm a drunk on the street and that's all I can afford, or that I need one to get me home from work or something. So it's for my hair! Do you see how blah my hairs are now? This one beer could save them all!"

--blank stare--

"Right. You didn't ask. Sorry."

Another home shiny-fix recommended by Speedy Remedies is to create a hair mask mixture made of egg and yogurt. Well, I'm allergic to eggs and dairy so that's a no. I doubt putting it on my scalp would cause a reaction, but I don't want it that close to my face. I miss dairy so much, I wouldn't put it past myself to take a lick--even with the raw egg involved. I ate cookie dough by the ton when I was a kid and I never got salmonella.

Sidebar: According to this article, [this one, here], eating raw eggs could decrease my allergicness and only 1 in 30,000 of commercially produced eggs are infected. And since you all buy your shit locally, right?, the chances of your eggs being contaminated is drastically reduced. Healthy chickens, YEAH!

Anyway, back to the issue at hand: my not-so-shiny HAIR!

So, I have this friend/roommate Mike. He has just about the shiniest, longest locks I have ever seen, and he uses the hell out of coconut oil to get them. Every time I go to the store, I pick up a jar of it, heft it in my hand, and think about how much work it must be to make that concoction equate to shiny hair. I always have an excuse not to get it. It's solid in that jar! It's more expensive than gas! There's gotta be a better way!

Well, folks, I found myself at Trader Joe's the other day, with a jar of $5.99 coconut oil in my hand, and finally surrendered to da coconut.

At home, I cornered Mike and demanded his superior shiny hair knowledge, "How do I use this stuff?"

He tells me that he usually uses it once every couple of weeks as a sort of homemade moisturizing mask after washing it and applies it only on the bottom half (avoiding his roots). I want to know how. Don't you heat it up? Apparently not. Mike tells me that I can heat up a tablespoon or so and use it for a hot-oil type treatment before I shower but I don't have to. When he puts it in his hair as a moisturizer, apparently he just rubs it in because it melts right in your hand.

Of course, me being me, I decide that just moisturizing my hair couldn't possibly be enough so I go for the hot oil treatment. Have I ever done this before? Nope. Do I look up online how to do it? Nope. Do I proceed to heat up two tablespoons, rub it all over my dry hair, let it set for 20 minutes, and wash it out? Yup!

I did this yesterday morning. Yesterday mid-morning whilst trying like mad to wash the oil out, I felt like a failure. Yesterday afternoon after drying and brushing, I felt like my hair was still dry and fat. Last night when I brushed it before bed, I felt a change... It got lighter, and a bit shinier. This morning, I brushed it again and I feel like it's on the road to recovery. I'm satisfied with da coconut oil and now I want to do more. *I can have shiny hair!*

Because Crunchy Betty is awesome, I'm going to take her advice on how to move forward in my hot oil hair treatments. Check out her two-part post on how she does things if you're interested in becoming a hot oil hair guru--or if you just want shiny hair.

Crunchy Betty Part 1: Creating
Crunchy Betty Part 2: Indulging

Tippy Kowtow

Today I have learned how to spell "kowtow." I was texting my friend about a doofus we both know and the phrase I wanted to use was, "He usually kowtows to people he knows are better than him at what they do." 

As I tapped away at the letters on my iPhone, blasting full steam ahead into this text, I had to stop and realize that I didn't know how to spell kowtow. Had I ever actually spelled kowtow? Come to think of it, had I ever actually used kowtow in a sentence with enough confidence in my vocabulary to speak it loud enough for all to hear? 

I stopped and looked at what I'd written, "He usually cow tows to people..." Cow tows? An image of a cow towing a busted up Ford came to mind. That can't be right... Cowtow, maybe? How does that make it any better, Chanel? Tow is tow no matter how close I put it to the cow. 

This lead to an immediate sidebar in my head about how the English language really is whacked out. How in the hell are you supposed to spell kowtow with a cow and a tow? It's the wrong O sound in tow. It doesn't make any sense!

So I did what I always do in these situations. I turned to the trusty Google, waiting for me right where I'd left it--on my bookmarks bar, sandwiched between Wiki and dictionary.com.

I type in "cowtow" and wham! Before I even hit search, the interwebs is asking me, "Hey, you American fool, did you mean 'kowtow?'" Yes! Yes, Google, I did mean kowtow!

Apparently Kowtow derives from kòu tóu, and it's Mandarin Chinese. No wonder I didn't know how to spell it. Why is this verb even in my brain vault? 

I don't know, but if you're wondering what the hell kowtow even means, according to the wonderful Wiki: 

"Kowtow, which is borrowed from kòu tóu in Mandarin Chinese, is the act of deep respect shown by prostration, that is, kneeling and bowing so low as to have one's head touching the ground."

At least I used it correctly.